The rotating kilo

Kathryn made a comment on my last post about how frustrating it is to lose and gain the same kilo over and over. I’ve been carrying this disturbing image of a rotating kilo ever since.

So, where does the bloody thing go?

I know when I gain that kilo, it likes to wrap itself comfortably around my hips to create that unsightly muffin top.

But what about when I lose it?

It can’t be holidaying in the fridge, for I’m sure I’d notice it. And it’s not relaxing in my undie drawer, there’s just no room. I guess it’s probably skulking under my bed, waiting to slide back onto my body under the cover of night.

Or maybe the kilo is clever enough to distribute itself around as random grams of fat. Maybe my healthy home made muesli now contains fat bombs that slip away from my stomach to find their favourite hip resting place. Maybe there are fat drops in the shower head that stick to my arse while I’m showering.

I’m going to have to come up with a subterfuge. Perhaps I should lose the kilo while working in Auckland and then try to sneak home so it doesn’t hitch a ride on my butt. Or ride very fast and hope it scatters behind me, hopelessly lost and gone forever.

Or introduce it to Kathryn’s kilo so they can fall in love and run away together…

Motivation Monday

What’s motivating me today? The scales.

I’ve got all this stuff lined up nicely:
I’m exercising well and regularly. I’m being challenged in this area and really enjoying that.
I’m doing my usual no drinking of alcohol in October – and this year I’m extending it until after the duathlon in November. I definitely feel better and can really feel the benefits when I exercise.
I’ve got my head around how I want to approach food – BUT I’M NOT DOING IT CONSISTENTLY.

Today I weigh exactly 100 grams more than I did at the start of August. 83.9kg.

Okay, we all know I’m great at maintaining. But in that time I’ve only strung 2 weeks of losses together. The last 7 weeks have been up and down each week alternately.

Too annoying.

I know the way I want to approach eating is right. But I’m still not getting my head into it properly. I know that it’s not going to be an overnight change. But I would like to see some success to encourage me.

I am definitely not going back to tracking points. It drives me nuts!

But I am going to keep a food diary for a few weeks. What I eat, when and where.

Why?

To better identify my ‘weak’ times – what time of day do I snack when I don’t need to, which days to I have more trouble controlling, which locations cause me more problems – home, away on business or at the caravan? And then I can be more on my guard against them.

One thing I do know – I need to stop letting myself off. It’s this sort of thing:
It’s been a hard two days in Auckland – I deserved some cheese and crackers (and a little piece of brownie) while I wait at the airport to fly home.
Mmmmm, that black pudding, mushrooms and eggs on savoury French toast sound great. We only go out to brunch once a week, so I may as well have it.
If you look hard enough, you can find a reason to let yourself off every day. And there’s your eating shot all to hell.

So, I’m also going to write a few simple rules at the front of my food diary. Like:
Brunch – healthiest option only. If there’s no fruit muesli and yoghurt on the menu, its poached eggs on toast with grilled tomatoes on the side.
Airport lounge – a cup of tea and a piece of fruit in the evening, or cereal and fruit in the morning.
Caravan – Craig can eat cashews. I can’t. Find some rice crackers.

It’s a long process, this learning thing!

Motivation Monday

What's motivating me today? The ride yesterday.

Well, not the actual ride, but the way it felt when I finished. I was absolutely knackered, absolutely everything hurt and it was absolutely fantastic!

I set myself a really hard target and got so close to it the minute and half really doesn't matter that much.

I'd forgotten how good that feeling is - setting your sights high and knowing you worked like hell to reach them.

So, time for another target - my duathlon times. Forget about pissing about with whimpy targets like just finishing the damn thing - I know I can do that.

The distances? 2.5km run/20km cycle/5km run

Target one - no walking, not even in transition
Target two - one hour and 50 minutes (I really want to type two hours there, but I'm not letting myself)

The body hurts

This morning Craig and I did our 50km ride at Waikanae. I did it in 2 hours and 1 minute, and Craig came in about 10 minutes after me. Last year it took us 2 hours and 30 minutes.

The improvement isn't quite as dramatic as it sounds - last year we did it on mountain bikes with knobbly tyres. Still on mountain bikes this year, but with road tyres, which makes a huge difference. The other big difference - a lovely still day today, whereas last year the northerly was gusting 100km an hour!

Still, very pleased with our times.

Has been another great weekend - weather at the caravan yesterday was lovely, so we just pottered about and spent a fair bit of time lounging in the sun. Came straight home after the ride this morning so Craig could watch Bathhurst. I've done a bit of gardening and some snoozing on the couch.

Our time at the caravan always feels like a holiday - the weekends just seem longer somehow.

The good times continue

Still loving this hard-arsed exercise lark. How could I have forgotten how great it feels to push my body and then push my mind to push my body even further!

And having a trainer - brilliant! He's not the red-faced spitting drill sarge type, but he really does motivate me. And of course I lap it up. He has only had to explain to me once that doing an exercise to 'failure' really means till you physically can't do it any more, not that it hurts a bit and you don't feel like it...

Of course, I am trying to dish it straight back at him. Well, he did tell me that he doesn't embarrass easily. That's pretty much a challenge right there, isn't it? If you don't want to hear that one of my aims is that my thighs don't wobble during sex, don't ask me what my aims are, fool.

Motivation Monday

What's motivating me today? Me!

I feel great. Yesterday at the gym was one of those breakthrough days - I ran a bit further, rowed a bit harder and grinned like a maniac through my weights programme.

I feel fit and trim. Not the fittest and most trim I've been, but a definite improvement on how I felt a few weeks ago.

I'm looking forward to exercise this week. I'm especially looking forward to the 50km ride this weekend.

Just generally, I'm looking forward.

Life keeps changing

It has been a really tiring couple of weeks as Craig has been closing up his business. Very stressful for him, coping with that, and migrating himself, his staff and his major client - to the same company I work for!

So now I get to call him the new boy and threaten him with the fact that I usually do all the process/systems training with the new staff. It has been decided I won't in this case, but no doubt I'll get to act as the after hours help desk.

This is a very good move for him, as he was really over running his own business and competing in such a tight market. Despite the stress of change, I can already see him starting to relax and enjoy his work again.

Luckily we don't have to work in the same offices - that would be just a bit too much time together.

We're going to have another nice quiet weekend at home and give the garden a good tidy up. Off to the caravan next weekend and our 50km ride at Waikanae. Will be interesting to see if having road tyres on our bikes improves the times much compared to last year. Must put the bike computer back on my bike so I can pace us properly.

BIG NEWS OF THE WEEK: Jake has booked his tickets home and will arrive in NZ on 2 December. I'm not allowed to tell his mates, though, as he wants to surprise them by turning up at some concert that's on here the next night. Can you imagine how excited I am that my boy will be home in a couple of months? Even if he is sporting this new addition to his body:

Paddling muscles required

Have survived my first proper session with Karl - although some of it was learning the routine, so I probably wasn't pushed as hard as I will be when I go right through properly. Will put the programme on my sidebar when I can remember what's in it!

My favourite part - having someone else to push my stretches for me...

Oh, and I really love going to the gym during work hours because there is hardly anyone there.

He's given my some great upper body work, which I'm rapt about for two reasons - my shoulder still needs strengthening, and Craig and I are about to buy a couple of these:

No, not the small child - the sit-on-top kayak!

They only weigh 18kg, so we can carry them the 100m from our house to the beach, and also they're easy to put on top of the ute when we go away.

So we'll be one of those couples that arrive at the camping ground with all the flash gear - caravan, mountain bikes, kayaks. You know, the people that make you go "Oh sure, you really use all that stuff! We know it's just for show!".

Exercise revisited

How many of you are Healthy Food Guide readers? I've loved this magazine from when it first hit our shelves, and have had a subscription for ages.

The October issue has some great stuff that sits well with how I'm feeling about food right now - making positive changes to build a healthy life. If you get a chance, I really think it's worth a read.

I've made a big change to exercise this week - for the first time I have a personal trainer. I really needed to work out why I wasn't making any progress with my running. This running thing is weird: I have no ambition to be 'a runner', but I really want to be able to run if I want to. And I want to be able to run this duathlon in November, not walk.

My first session with Karl (seems like a typical PT name to me!) was to assess my fitness - mostly he wanted to see how I run so we could work out what my problem is. He quickly decided it was what I suspected - my shallow breathing. My technique is okay and my fitness is good, I just run out of puff.

So he's going to concentrate on pushing the top end of my fitness. At the moment this centres around the bike: I start on Level 9 with rpm around 95. Each minute for five minutes I increase the level by 1 till I reach 13, then drop straight back down to 9. This is repeated 4 times. So my heartrate steadily climbs and then drops down for a recovery before climbing again. Have to admit there was a fair bit of sweat involved!

I'm going to see Karl twice a week for the next four weeks - hopefully it will make a big difference to my fitness. It will also cost me a chunk of money, but I reckon that will help motivate me; why waste the money by not pushing myself to get as much benefit from this as possible? After that I think I'll just see him every couple of weeks for a while.

I'm getting my full progamme from him on Tuesday - really looking forward to that!

This week I have been toying whether or not I want to keep blogging. But I think it will help me with this exercise focus, so I'll stick with it for now.

Running fool

So, last week's training wasn't great as far as regular exercise, but there were a couple of good things going for it:
I did two run/walks, and on one of them I ran a total of 3km, which is the most I've done this year,
Craig put road tyres on my mountain bike for me (and we rode 18km). Man, are they faster and easier!

This week I'm doing some research into how to run properly. That might sound silly, but I've never looked at the techniques of running - which is surprising when you consider what a geek I am! I will spend my running time this week practicing a couple of things I hope will help.

If I'm going to force myself to run, I may as well be smart about it.

Just when you thought it was safe...

I'd been lulled into that false sense of security September often brings. The blossom was coming out, my carrots were poking their leaves above the ground and I've been able to leave the house without 2 layers of merino underwear.

So spring must be here, right? Right!

So long as your accepted definition of spring is a few nice days interspersed with freezing cold rain and driving southerlies.

I do love Wellington weather, honest!

Mind you, I was lucky enough to have two glorious days in Christchurch early this week. Surely nothing can beat running in Hagley Park in the morning surrounded by spring blossom and daffodils.

Wish I had got out of bed to do it!

Hold your balls please

Okay, I didn't quite say it like that, but I certainly got a funny look from the waiter at our local Italian restaurant last night.

What I did say was "Can I have the spaghetti and meatballs without the meatballs, please?".

I love their spaghetti sauce. The meatballs, not so much.

My eating was dreadful last week. Days of over-indulging and WAY too much wine. And of course my weight has suffered. But there's no panic here yet.

Having read Anne's fabulous post about balance, I'm even more clear that I don't want to go back to a strict eating regime. I want to work out how I am going to eat for the rest of my life, so I can be healthy and maintain a healthy weight.

So, perseverance, my friends.

Yes, dammit, I am awake

For those of you who have never read The Food Whore - you should, because that is where I swiped this quote from:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says;
"Shit, she's awake".

Boy, do I love that sentiment.

A bit bilious

Last night I ate a meal I regretted.

The meal tasted really good. It was well-prepared and made from fresh, organic ingredients.

I didn’t regret it because of any ‘diet’ guilt.

I regretted it because I didn’t feel good after it – in fact didn’t feel good for the rest of the evening and still don’t feel too flash this morning.

Why didn’t I feel good? Because it was just too rich!

It was chicken with a creamy mushroom sauce, served with gnocchi, pumpkin and spinach. The richness wasn’t helped by the fact the gnocchi was fried not just boiled.

Yes, the meal tasted great, but it just wasn’t worth how I felt afterward.

This is a big lesson for me – think of food not just in how it tastes and whether I ‘should’ be eating it from a calorie and fat intake point of view. Think of how food is going to make feel after I have eaten it.

Really, the Thai beef salad would have been a much smarter choice.

Rack off!

Right, Mr New Trainer Dude at the gym trying to drum up clients.

No, I don't want to chat about my programme. Not right now. When I'm 40 minutes into my run/walk intervals.

Need a hint on why not? Well, the sweat dripping off the ends of my hair would be a good start. Or the face the colour of a baboon's arse. Or maybe the fact my earphones are slipping out of my ears*.

Next time, try approaching me before I start exercising. I'll still tell you to rack off, but I'll be able to breathe while I say it.


*Am I the only person who suffers from sweaty ears?

In the zone?

The first week of duathlon training went really well. The weekend 10km ride got pushed to 12km, and as well as my run/walk session yesterday we went for a great MTB ride in the reserve near where our caravan is parked at the moment. I have to admit though, some of those steep climbs were pretty hard on the thighs after running only a couple of hours earlier.

I am enjoying having a structured training schedule again. Although I was exercising most days before, it was easy to slack off by doing slightly fewer exercises or less distance. Now I have my expectations down in writing, I'm much more likely to hit my targets. For instance last week Craig didn't feel like going to the gym one day, so I did circuit training at home instead of using that as an excuse to do nothing.

Of course not wanting to be shown up by my workmates adds extra motivation!

Also, Craig and I have decided to do the 50km ride at Waikanae again this year. That's mid-October, so 5 weeks before the duathlon.

Eating-wise, still feeling my way, but enjoying this style of eating much more than a rigid plan. I'm paying most attention to portion sizes and getting rid of mindless eating.

I get a whole week at home this week too, which is nice. Off to Christchurch next week as we have a new company down there, so some poor sucker needs to be trained on the World According to Sue.

Idle observations

• Sitting in the club lounge at the airport. The only people who don't look tired are the ones speaking in irritatingly loud voices. Does constantly striving to be noticed give you an energy boost? I would have thought it would be dreadfully exhausting
• Why are drivers so reluctant to give way to emergency vehicles now? Don't they get the whole life-saving situation thing?
• Exercise done when you really don't feel like it truly is doubly rewarding
• Most men wear their trousers at least 3cm too short
• I know having all this lovely oestrogen racing round my body keeps me looking young, but, really, I'm over getting pimples with every period, like some cruel gift-with-purchase

Sorry folks, guess I'm tired and grumpy!

BHAG time (Big Hairy Audacious Goal)

We were talking duathlons at work this morning. As you do.

Somehow, I seem to have challenged all my staff to join me in one. Well, my three Wellington staff anyway. The two in Auckland don’t yet know what a lucky escape they’ve had.

The four of us haven’t just decided to do a duathlon. We’ve decided the short course is too easy. We’re doing the medium instead – 4km run, 24km ride, 4km run. Of course, I could just wimp out and walk instead of running. But no-one else seems to be going for that option. And I do hate to be shown up. Even if I am the oldest.

The good part about it – we’re doing it in mid-November. So when it was suggested we should go the whole hog and do a triathlon, I could legitimately point out the necessity of a wet suit when swimming in the sea at that time of year. No-one here has one, so we dropped that idea. Phew! I swim about as well as a three toed sloth does aerobics. I don’t think even the Grade 4 AC dislocation/torn rotator cuff excuse would have got me out of that one – but luckily the cost of wet suits did.

Of course, I once did fancy I could do triathlons. The biggest relief of my life was when they cancelled that swim.

So, serious training time again. And at the perfect time of year to get fit for summer. At least it’s only 5 weeks till daylight saving starts. That always makes training easier.


Hence – the return of Sue’s exercise-geek sidebar.

Spreading hips

This is the photo that really drove home to me that the creeping weight was starting to show. Of course it was after a week in Paris and 10 days in London, so all the eating and boozing with my sisters and my boy hadn’t helped. I used to be able to take those pants off without undoing them. Not anymore.

Nice story to the photo though. Jake and I are standing in front of the church in Willesden (NE London) where my parents got married – 53 years ago. Mum and Dad are were an ‘item’ at training college in Auckland. They both headed off on their OE in the early 50s – separately of course. They met up again in London, got married and stayed until Mum got pregnant with my oldest sister. The first time they went back was in their golden anniversary year – and they visited the church too.

Isn't my boy looking fine?

Easily derailed

In fact, it sometimes seems the tracks aren’t there at all!

Having decided I really want to get my weight down, at least back into the (once briefly visited) mid-70s, I am struggling to keep my focus going for more than a few days at a time.

I know exactly why this is happening, but that doesn’t help me get it under control.

When I first lost a large amount of weight – 46kg in that first year – it was easy to become very self-centred in my approach. I didn’t realise it fully at the time, but my life was not really a very happy place. Apart from my son and my work, I wasn’t getting much fulfilment. So, it was easy to throw myself into eating plans and exercise schedules. More importantly, it was easier to stick to them when I had so few distractions.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not moaning about being deliriously happy. No way, baby!

But now I need to take a new approach, and it’s taking me some time to get my head around. In the long run, it will be a more realistic approach, because it will be how I live the rest of my life.

It’s no longer about being strict, about firmly defined limits. It’s about being flexible. There will be much more ‘listening’ to my body, and thinking about whether I really want something, or if it’s just a short term urge that will go away if resisted.

I’m actually very excited about this. There are lots of things involved that I’ve only be playing lip service to for a long time – portion sizes, healthy choices, self control. But it will take a bit of trial and error to get right.

Exercise continues to be very important to me. Not just because I love it, but because it helps keep me focused. I know how much better I run if I haven’t had those two glasses of wine the night before – so if I have a run planned it is easier to abstain. Basically, it is easier for me to eat well if I am exercising well.
So, in a world where sustainability is the buzz word of the moment, here’s to a more sustainable approach to my health.