Friday, March 10, 2006

Who am I?

Several things have sparked a bit of navel-gazing in the last week. It's not something I do often, and I certainly don't communicate my introspection well, but here goes.

What has set off the self-examination?
  1. Beck made a great comment about women who are losing weight 'define their entire worth on a number'.
  2. My darling man looked at my progress pics from last week. He pointed to the first one, from a year ago, and said 'I can't even remember you looking like that'.
  3. While in Auckland, I felt really uncomfortable when people I haven't seen for a while made a big fuss about how much weight I've lost.

These things have got me thinking about the need to re-define to myself who I am.

I need to stop thinking of myself as a fat person who has lost a lot of weight. People who have never met me before don't know what I used to look like - and that they're not really interested, so I need to stop trying to work it into the conversation!

I did need intense focus and motivation to lose the amount of weight I have, and to transform myself into a fit person.

But these things no longer need to define my life.

13 comments:

Julie's Journey said...

You are so right and I guess this is the next bridge that we all will need to cross. After being so focussed on losing weight it is hard to step back and begin living a "normal" life where our weight loss is not the main topic of conversation. Enjoy yourself and take care.
Julie

Me said...

You are right - the trouble is that it is really difficult not to see yourself as fat - I still do. There are times when I don't think about it and probably they are more and more now, but there are still times when it sort of sneaks up on me.
I guess I don't think I have changed as a person just because I weigh less than I used to but maybe others don't see me like that. I do know that I have a lot more confidence in wearing clothes which I wouldn't have been seen dead in previously. I also had my belly button pierced - not for anyone to see - just because I wanted it and it is somewhere else for me to wear some more jewellery !!!! And, I felt that I deserved to do something to celebrate my weight loss.
Hope it all comes together for you - you are an amazing woman who has achieved so much and continues to inspire us all !
Have a great weekend and take care.
Me

Anne said...

What an interesting post and you are so right! Sometimes I still can't quite believe that I'm longer fat! I've met up new people in my life and it's true that they aren't interested in what you where rather than what you are now! I've got to the stage that I no longer talk about it - only here but as you said people that haven't seen me in a while tend to bring it and remark on it.

You are on about the coffee sometime in boring old Palmy - would love to met you:)

Karen said...

Yes this is a very interesting post and like Anne says - I can not believe that I am no longer the size that I once used to be... and when new people meet me I forget that they aren't interested in the old me but just accepting me for who I am today!
Its only when you run into someone who you haven't seen for a long time that usually brings it all back when they start talking about it.
Have a great weekend.

philippa_moore said...

What a great post Sue. I am having the same kinds of thoughts. People who meet me now think this is just me - they don't realise I used to be nearly 30kg heavier. And I'm not that person anymore, so I should stop bringing it up!!

I too wonder if there will be a time for me when weight loss doesn't come up in a conversation.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Mary said...

Great post Sue and you've brought up excactly what alot of us girls are going through and have gone through and hell, I think we will always question our identities at various stages of our life for different reasons.

I think the identity thing will sort itself out more when you get to goal and are not aiming for a specific number anymore. You are then forced to really look at yourself and ask, am I happy now and who have I become? You'll start looking at other parts of your life more and not so much the weight.

What an amazing journey you've had so far!

Briony said...

Wow, i'm gobsmacked. I had never thought of these issues. I'm always talking about weight loss and even though I have a long way to go, I can't imagine NOT talking about it. Food for thought.
I think it will be harder to give up talking about losing weight than actually doing it.
Bri

Mary said...

PS. Another Thai person said they did put chilli in their satay, as opposed to the other 2 that said they didn't. Interesting. Now I realise that I've already tried peanut butter and chilli and it's yum. Having said all that, I avoid satay meals at restaurants anyway now LOL.

See, now I don't talk about weight, I talk about food!

Kellee said...

I don't have much to say at the moment because I am DUMBSTRUCK by your photos. You have really changed your life, and I am so incredibly impressed. Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us, and for giving us "food for thought", so to speak. Your family must be so proud of you.

I know what you mean about having to re-define yourself. Mary is right about once you get to goal - for me it was during the maintaining process that I did a lot of navel gazing, not so much through the losing process. Sounds like you're making a great start on that already though! Go team Sue.

Anonymous said...

You are so right but I've only hit that middle part where even though I've lost 33kg's which is a great achievement I'm still seen by people who don't know me as being overweight. People who do know me make the big fuss etc about how far I've come and how good I look. I in no way look good but I'm working on it. I like it when friends comment on my achievements and it actually keeps me focused. Everyone reacts differently to comments and how you deal with them is entirely a personal thing. Depending on one's personality and confidence is whether you embrace it or dislike it. Either way your a winner just for doing it. XX

Lucinda said...

I also talk about my weight a bit...part of it is to do with the fact that friends comment on how well I am doing, but sometimes I bring it up as well. I sometimes wonder what we talked about before I started to lose weight, I have no idea!

Margaret said...

Yeah, people should stop saying how fantastic you look and get on with the job at hand and talk about rugby..... I don't know anything about rugby so I'm going to say that in a years time people are no longer going to continue to say how good you are looking because you have lost weight, they will say how good you are looking just because you look good. Then you can talk their ear off about how Rugby keeps you looking so young LOL.

Hope you have a great week Sue

Ails said...

I guess when you have spent so much time defining yourself in one particular way, changing your mindset can be a difficult, strange thing, and that process might take longer than the physical changes. You no longer are the person you were a year ago - physically and mentally in alot of ways - and in another year you will be different person again. Weight loss probably will not be such a focus then, but it will be replaced with a healthy, active and positive attitude, which will probably become so second nature to you that you won't associate yourself with the 'old' Sue anymore. Isn't that something to look forward to! Have yourself a great week :)