No, you bunch of suspicious (but kind and well-meaning) old bags, I'm not just putting on a brave face! My life really is going great.
It's just over a month since Mark and I separated, but I've realised I was much further down that track than I had admitted to myself. And because it was me who made the ultimate decision, it was all pretty much settled in my head before it happened.
Yes, it was really hard and I was devastated at the time. But I have quickly picked myself up and moved on.
The question has been asked (by lots of people) - how much did my weight-loss have to do with this other major change in my life?
That's a hard one to answer. I certainly didn't wake up one day and go "I'm not fat anymore, think I'll leave my man!".
I do think that making such a major change in my life over the last two years has made me recognise I have the strength to change things I am not happy with. That I don't have to settle for things that don't give me what I want.
It's not that I was desperately unhappy with Mark. I describe it more as 'absence of happiness'. And that's not what I want from my life.
Nor did I give up at the first sign of trouble. Relationships really have to be worked at, but you also have to be able to recognise when something is no longer worth the work.
So, that part of my life is over. And I'm moving on. And I'm happy.
21 comments:
As someone who has been exactly where you're at for seemingly almost identical reasons, I can relate absolutely and can only say that for me it was the right decision and I'm glad I made it when I did. So enjoy this new stage of your life and upwards and onwards to new challenges, people and awakenings!
Z xx
Fantastic post, you've explained it all so well - I think you've given me a lot to think about (not specifically about relationships necessarily, but about happiness and life). I'm so glad you are feeling happier.
Ditto to what Kate has said... very well explained and I too am so happy that you are feeling so much happier about everything!
Have to agree with the others, you have explained yourself really well.
Life can only get better for you form now Sue and good on you for having the strength to change the things you weren't happy with.
Onwards and upwards mate, you sound like you are on the right track.
I knew a women with a similar situation and everyone blamed her weightloss (ie. "If she didn't lose the weight, she'd still be with him") which might have been true but she would have been miserable. She also had the strength to leave knowing she wasn't happy and why should she live a life she wasn't happy with? She had invested so much of her energy into losing the weight and feeling good about herself that she wanted that to flow into her everyday life.
Its onto your next phase in life and it can only get better :)
I love the way you think Sue. The weight itself is never the reason and there is so much more going on in our heads. The weight journey only helps us work through all that crap on a much more intense level. Since losing weight, I have never looked at myself more closely and now look at why I choose to do things before doing it. I am much happier now too. So glad you're doing well. You must be feeling so alive too! It's an exciting time :-)
Life is too bloody short not to be happy, so good for you! I left my 1st husband and took my 4 little kids off into the unknown... the best thing I ever did.... I was so unhappy... now I am loving life... as you will too! Be happy girl, you deserve it!
I too have been where you are - I left a husband (for more serious reasons, but still I left). It was the best thing I ever did. I know you will be fine and there is nothing like the happiness of new found singledom... I remember it well!
You're sounding so positive and I really commend your decision and strength to follow through!!!
I can completely relate to what you've said too Sue - my situation was almost identical. Life is too short to be spent in an "absence of happiness." You deserve nothing BUT total and utter happiness. Enjoy this next stage of your life - the happiness you will get from being free and being able to be YOU, words can't describe!! Enjoy every minute of it!!
xoxoxo
You're such a positive darling. Love the blue as well. Are you a gemini??
Nobody should live in an 'absence of happiness'. I admire your braveness to take what is an enormous step. You sound positive and looking forward.
My son leaves for London in 3 weeks to work at a golf course in south-west London.
Take care
Julie xxxooo
Sue lately Ive been catching up (and I use that term lightly) on everyones blogs on bloglines so have rarely commented.
I wanted to say I know how much of a weight off your shoulders can be lifted in these situations and how that happiness is totally genuine because you feel free and 'real'. So I absolutely believe you when you say you are doing well.
Go you.
Hope you are well and you are being a social butterfly.
Did you hear about the Otaki lunch on the 30th? Coming?
OMG I have just come back to reading blogs after a very long absence. I hope that in a month minus one day I can write a similar entry. DH and I decided yesterday to separate for a few reasons but from my point of view I was sick of not feeling the happiness that I should feel in my life. This post has defnitely struck a chord with me Sue.
Good on you for making this decision, it's bloody hard mate but you have to prioritise your own happiness in this life. Take care honey
Hey ya
Hope you are doing ok... I saw you the other day and you were looking fab!!!! I did wave to you but I was being naughty and was on the bus (as I was feeling like crap and had no energy to walk to the station).
Take care
Missing your posts chick... are you coming to blogger meet next weekend? 30th in Te Horo?
I tagged you, so there! Questions are on my blog today (26th)... come on....
Hellloooo Sue,
Where are you ?
I'm missing your post.
Hi Sue
Just caught up with my blogs as we had no internet in June and were away in May.
Sorry to hear about the upheavals! Hope you are doing okay and settling into life as a single woman...
Sandra
www.livejournal.com/users/kiwirevo
Hey darling.
I hope everything is sorting itself out for you and that you are enjoying life and living it to the full.
I really miss hearing what you are up to and I just want you to know that I love ya to bits and am hear if you need to email or chat or anything.
Jules xxx
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