Almost over...

Friday of the second week of the school holiday at last. They'll be back at school next week. Phew!

School holidays are pretty easy for me - no having to worry about taking time off or trying to find a holiday programme that doesn't think playing in the motorway tunnel is a good idea.

But the holidays are so damn expensive!

Now, I'm not one of those mothers that hands lots of money to the kids to keep them amused in the holidays. Nope, Jake has to fund his own fun.

It's the extra food that costs all the money.

We reckon in a normal week Jake costs us about $150 to feed. I know that sounds like a lot, but we do keep a decent stock of convenience foods around, both he and Mark are enormous meat eaters and remember Jake does play half a dozen sports that need body-fuel.

Remember the days when one of those little multi-packs of chippies was a snack? A full-size pizza is a snack for kids like this.

You'd think we'd go through less food in the holidays - after all he's always out. He's slept at home maybe five times in the last two weeks.

But large amounts of food can be consumed in the quick visits home to shower and change clothes!

Of course, I don't help myself. I've always encouraged his mates to spend plenty of time at our place (at least then I know where they are). I attract them with all the things teenage boys love - 42 inch TV, X-Box, a fridge full of soft drinks and, you guessed it, food. Not to mention the Rugby Channel.

They're all very good and know there are some things in our pantry that are out of bounds. But we go through huge amounts of: spaghetti, instant noodles, creamed rice, chippies, bread and juice. They do a fairly good job of cleaning up after themselves too.

And then there are the sausages. A bunch of boys came over after rugby training the other day for a poker tournament. I told them I'd cook them up a feed before I went out for the evening. That feed consisted of three dozen sausages, onions, Watties tomato sauce, American mustard and two loaves of sandwich bread (which has to be white, no slipping any of that healthy brown muck past these boys). I stupidly thought that would be plenty and that they'd have some leftovers to snack on later. WRONG! All gone before I left the house. And when I got home there were 10 pizza boxes in the rubbish as well. At least I don't get to pay for those.

Now, before anyone decides to jump all over me for letting them eat so much junk food, let's put their consumption in perspective. These boys are all jocks and play at least two top-level sports. Most of them are doing Elite Physical Education at school and know more about nutrition and the body than all us weight-loss bloggers put together. Several of them are so serious about their sport they've never had alcohol - these are 17 and 18 year old boys! Jake definitely reduces his eating when he reduces his exercise.

And I know some of them eat fruit - because I always take bananas and apples to the 1st XV two hours before a game!

Points vs. NoCount

I've been doing NoCount for a few months now. And I really like it. But, let's face it, I'm not exactly losing much weight. There's nothing wrong with the plan, and it's definitely the plan I intend to follow for maintenance.

The main issue is my self-discipline. (As a slightly sick aside, am I the only person here for whom the words 'self-discipline' conjure up the scene from A Nun's Story where they beat themselves on their bare backs with knotted rope? Have I even got the right movie?) My portion sizes have been creeping up and the interpretation of fruit and veges only for snacks has become somewhat liberal. Of course boysenberry ice-cream is a fruit.

So, this week I switched back to tracking points again. Because I've got just over 6kg to go until I reach goal and I don't want that to take another three months.

I'm quite enjoying tracking again, but I see it more as a short-term aide than a long-term way of eating. It's also quite hard to adjust to only getting 19 points a day! That's quite a bit less than when I was on the points plan before.

The kitchen scales have made a reappearance as I get back into weighing, measuring and tracking my food. And writing it down...

This also makes it clear to me that I haven't overcome my 'food issues' and need to do a bit more soul-searching - particularly into why I use food as an avoidance tool.

Tuesday 11 July

Our family is deeply saddened this week by the suicide of one of Jake's team mates from last year. This tragedy was made even worse by the fact he was found by one of their other friends.

Those of you with teenagers in your lives, please make sure they know how much you care about them. Not just that you love and support them, but that they have somewhere to turn when they need help. I really believe we need to discuss this specific issue with them, not just make vague mutterings about handling problems.

Sorry to post about something so unhappy, but we need to take action to help each other.

Bugger the soccer, how about the rugby?

Okay so the Italians won the World Cup, but did anyone notice the All Blacks kicked serious Wallaby butt on Saturday night?

I just love those boys. I love the fact that (captain) Richie McCaw had so much energy left at the end of the game he stayed on the field and played touch rugby with the reserves. I even love that Jerry got caught have a sneaky pee just before kick-off. What a bloke! I particularly love how grumpy Gregan gets now that his constant yapping has no impact on the referees.

Ahhhh, rugby....

More from my walk...

There are these handy distance markers around the waterfront at Oriental Bay. I've never managed to find the starting point, though.



















Wellington is a great city for coffee. Unfortunately, the very funky Havana coffee caravan wasn't open for business.



















But the lovely people at Caffe Eis soothed my craving for a trim flat white to go.


















Wellington Railway Station was my turnaround point. Time for a toilet stop and to stock up on water. Very quiet on a Sunday - nothing like the weekday commuter hell.



















There are some great buildings on the waterfront, both old and modern. Lots of pubs, shops and eating places. There are green spaces and playgrounds, sculpture and sculptural looking bridges. Is this collection in front of the rowing club art or marine junk that was too hard to haul away?



Almost home. Ours is the second townhouse from the left. The only problem is, now that I've walked over 21km on the flat, I have to climb the hill to the house.

Endurance test

There was too much wind on Sunday for me to do my 50km bike ride, so I opted for the 21km walk instead. To make it more interesting, I took my camera along. And now Blogger won't let me load all the photos, so you'll have to take it in installments.



This is part of the view from our balcony. It's an unusual view for Wellington, in that we can't see the sea, apart from a tiny sliver past the airport. Probably enough for a real estate agent to advertise it as expansive sea views.

After about 3km through the 'burbs, I reach the sea at Miramar wharf. There are always a few hardy souls fishing here. Every spring there'll be a story in the paper about a monster snapper one of them has caught.

This wharf is also the current parking spot for the ship used in King Kong. There are discussions about sinking it for use as a diving wreck. If they don't hurry up it will sink itself.

Making use of one of Wellington's renowned natural features, the city council have put in quite a few wind sculptures. This is the Zephyrometer - a 33m high orange needle on a gimbal, which sways in the breeze. We can see it from our house and judge how wild the day is. I have seen the Zephyrometer almost parallel to the ground.

There's a row of lovely old boathouses in Evans Bay, in every condition from dilapidated to resplendent. The paint jobs range from bright colours, through faded and peeling, to whatever was cheap at the latest fire sale. Some of them have numbers on the doors, but the numbers are out of sequence - some sort of 'in' joke, perhaps? This one is a favourite with wedding photographers.

Just by the way

I have written a long post about my long walk yesterday. It means nothing without the photos and Blogger is doing its 'I don't feel like loading photos' thing again.

So you'll just have to wait.

Exercise obsession

I've had a huge week of exercise. This is what I've done (not counting when I take Moose for a walk).

Saturday - gym: half hour cardio and half hour resistance
Sunday - gym: half hour cardio and 45 minutes resistance
Monday - gym: 15 minutes cardio and half hour resistance, plus one hour aquafit session
Tuesday - gym: half hour cardio and half hour resistance
Wednesday - one hour deep water aqua
Thursday - gym: 45 minutes cardio, plus one hour aquakick session
Friday* - gym: half hour cardio and half hour resistance

I've now tried all the aqua sessions offered at the local pool, except pregnancy and Fifties Forward! The cost of these classes is covered in my gym membership. The two I enjoyed the most and felt I got the most benefit from were the deep water and the kickboxing ones, so I'm going to try and work in one of each most weeks from now on.

Using the pool is so different in winter compared to when I was training in summer. Then I'd just get out of the pool, wrap a towel around me and head home for a shower. No chance of doing that now!

*Normally Friday is my rest day, but I missed a gym session on Wednesday and needed to fit it in to meet my challenge of six sessions this week. I missed a session because I had to take Jake to the hospital with stomach pains in the middle of the night. After blood tests, chest xrays and morphine they'd got on top of the pain but couldn't find anything wrong. Appears to have been a one-off thing because he's fine now. We got home at 4.30am - he slept all day and got to miss school, I got three hours sleep and was only an hour late for work! I suppose it makes a change from going to the ER with rugby injuries.

Despite all that exercise I only lost 100 grams this week, but I'm figuring I added a fair bit of lean muscle.

Forecast for the weekend doesn't look too bad, so I may be able to fit in my 50km bike ride on Sunday.

Answers to some questions

• No, I didn't do the half-marathon yesterday. The weather was actually almost perfect - very cold, but no rain and only a gentle breeze. I went down and cheered on a couple of guys I knew who were doing the run, then raced home to watch the All Blacks game (truth be told, that may be the real reason I didn't do it; have to watch the games live).
• Yes, my eyes are that blue. I don't wear coloured lenses.
• Yes, I'm pretty sure you do still sweat while doing aqua kickboxing. I didn't go bright red in the face like I do with normal kickboxing, but I did have this somewhat repulsive clammy feeling while in the water - guessing that was sweat!
• No, the imminent onset of the empty nest is not tempting me to have another child. Get over it people! I'm 41. I'm waiting for grandbabies.
• Yes, I was expecting to be in Sydney this month. Not happening for all sorts of reasons. Vague discussions about November. You'll be the second to know.
• Yes, you can touch the bottom in aqua kickboxing.
• Yes, I was overweight for a long time. I am now the lightest I have been since before I had Jake, but was seriously overweight for 13 years.
• No, this is not the thinnest Mark has ever seen me. We had a brief 'fling' when I was 20 and size 12. Didn't get together till six years later, when I was a solo Mum and about a size 16.

Anything else you'd like to know?

Cauliflower consumed

On one of those stupid self-assessments work used to make us do, I identified 'eating my cauliflower' as one of my major weaknesses. I know this make no sense, so hang in there for the explanation...

I really disliked cauliflower as a kid, but I would always it eat first when it was dished up in a meal. Why? Because that was nowhere near as bad as eating it at the end, when it was cold and flabby!

It's a principle I should apply to my work more often - get the thorny issues out of the way as soon as you can, because the longer you leave them, the worse they'll get. And the more they'll weigh on your mind because you're avoiding them.

So, I decided to take the same approach to my Winter Exercise Challenge. Get the one that was freaking me out the most out of the way.

Bring on the new form of exercise.

Earlier this week I had successfully completed the buying of a new bathing suit. So last night I employed the 'don't give yourself time to think about it' technique for getting to the pool.

Left work at 5pm. Went to the supermarket. Did a full week's shopping. Went home. Unpacked the groceries. Put dinner in the oven. Talked to The Jock about his day for long enough to show I care. Got into my bathing suit with warm clothes over top. Drove to the gym. Got there with 5 minutes to spare for the 6.30 class!

(Can you tell I live in a small city?)

And it was great. It was an aqua kickboxing class. Talk about hard work, but so much fun. Only eight of us in the water, so there was plenty of room. By the time I got home I had that fabulous well-worked muscles feeling. And was in bed by 10.

So, that's the first of my challenges out of the way. I'll try the other types of aqua classes over the next couple of week (they're free, covered by my gym membership) to see what they're like - particularly keen on the deep-water one.

Get your own identity, girls!

This particular piece of frustration has been brewing for a while...

Since The Jock and his mate announced their intention to do a gap year in England next year, their girlfriends have FLIPPED OUT! To such an extent that both the boys are now single - not because the girls have given them the flick, but because the boys can't be bothered putting up with the sh*t anymore.

Do these girls seriously think the guys are going to base their life decisions around where their high school girlfriends are going to be next year? And, more importantly, why aren't they making plans of their own? Why is their identity wrapped up in who their boyfriends are and what they're doing?

I really thought we were starting to 'breed out' this sort of thinking from our new female generations. This is more basic than obsession over body shape/size/hair colour. This is women continuing to think they are somehow less important than men. Are we some sort of sub-species?

On a lighter note, we now have two teenagers running round single after a couple of years of being 'off the market'. Parents of Wellington, lock up your daughters.

Chook look

Perhaps a bit more info on my exercise challenge might be in order...

The swimming one:
I haven't swum since the triathlon in February - and there was no actual swimming then, either. I know this is great exercise, but I'm not very good at it. So, time I improved!

It does mean I need to buy a new bathing suit though - the last one was bought for 90s' Sue, not 70s' Sue. So I dropped it in the charity pile on Sunday.

While still on a wave of enthusiasm, yesterday I went shopping for a new one. I think you've all realised Wellington is in the middle of a cold spell (if you haven't realised, you haven't been reading - I moan about it all the time!).

When it's 8 degrees with a windchill factor of 5, bathing suit shopping does seem a bit odd. The main problem was, even in the warm shop, I was still cold. And then I basically had to strip naked to try these damn things on! There was something about the sight of all the squishy white flesh that looked like a recently plucked chook. I just couldn't get into the swing of it.

Of course all that means is that I just have to go shopping again.

The new machines at the gym one:
I use very few of the machines and do lots of exercises using weights and the Swiss ball. Time I expanded my repertoire, so I'll experiment on weekend mornings when the gym is quiet.

The finding a new form of exercise one:
I don't currently do any sort of group exercise. It's a bit like the last frontier of my comfort zone. I have no issues with exercising in public. But I do have the commonly-shared morbid fear of making a dick of myself in public.

However, I guess if I do make a public penis of myself, I can just call into play my talent for laughing uproariously at myself!

As I'm investing in a new bathing suit, I might try the aqua class at the pools that's based on kickboxing.

My winter exercise challenge

So, looks like the half marathon walk might not happen. My girlfriend has pulled out and I've decided I'll only do it if the weather isn't too crap. I'm not so into it that I'm willing to do the whole hypothermia thing.

Instead, I'm setting myself some exercise challenges for the next six weeks. I'm not putting specific dates on any of them, because some are weather-dependent, but I want to do all of them before the end of July.

They are:

1. Walk the half-marathon course
2. Ride 50 km
3. Have two weeks where I go to the gym six times (like I used to)
4. In one week, swim for half an hour, three times
5. Try a new form of exercise I've never done before - maybe a group class?
6. Learn to use six machines at the gym I've not used before

I'm hoping this will make the doldrums of winter a little more interesting, as well as pushing my fitness levels a bit further.

Boing!

Bloody hell! Was expecting to at least maintain, but I've gained.

But it's all good. These last 10 kilos may be taking forever, but I'm not letting it get me down. I know I could lose it quicker if I was really fanatical about my eating etc, but I'm pretty happy just cruising along and slowly (so slowly) getting the weight off. At least I'll have had plenty of practice for maintenance! And of course I have been sick this week...

A wet and cold weekend in store for Wellington. The rugby sideline is going to be such a fun place to be tomorrow (not), especially as I'll have Jake sulking alongside me because he's not allowed to play for a week.

I'm going through some advance empty nest syndrome at the moment. I was expecting Jake to be at home for at least another year while he was at university, but he and a mate have just announced their intention to go to England for a year. I'm all for the gap year concept, but not sure how I'll cope with the reality of my baby leaving home. Still, no firm plans yet. My food bills will certainly drop!

Thumped!

The boys got well and truly thumped yesterday (36-7) and deserved it - worst game they've played all season! Some days they just don't seem to want to bother. Still, they'll finish the round in the top 5 which assures them a place in the championship round and the points don't carry forward, so there's hope yet.

Jake played his guts out, as usual, and it really showed by the end. Pulled calf muscle, a neck strain and he took a head-butt (accidental) to the mouth. Don't worry, Mum, he's fine; just getting the teeth checked by the dentist today. It shows the value of mouthguards - he would have lost some teeth otherwise.

I'm back at work today, probably feeling about 90% right. I've done no exercise since Sunday, so I'm feeling very sluggish, but I'll take the dog for a walk tonight. My eating has been so-so but I'm not too worried about it.

Hope everyone's week is going okay, catch you later.

Glamour puss

I'm taking the sensible route with this flu. I had yesterday off and am staying home again today. I already had Wednesday booked as annual leave, so three days off should do it. I still do a fair bit of work when I'm home (TG for laptops), so things don't fall into complete disarray when I'm away.

Of course, I have chosen the best time to be off - the weather is vile. We don't have snow like the South Island, but the forecast 'high' for today is just 9 degrees, so home is a great place to be.

So, what's with the 'Glamour puss' title? Well, you can imagine how glamorous I look! Trackies, big sweater, slippers and a nana blanket on the couch.

When I watch movies, I'm more likely to be jealous of how women look in sloppy-joes than in evening dresses. Think of how Meg Ryan still manages to look good when she's sick in You've Got Mail. I could never work out how women can dress like that and still look good! Apart from the lighting, make-up and great camera angles, of course!

Yesterday, I was slopping around the house in my sick-girl clothes and I suddenly realised I actually didn't look like a walking couch. Okay, it wasn't a sexy look, but at least I looked better than I would have a couple of years ago (which is the last time I got sick). I'm pale, I have bags under my eyes and my hair doesn't even rate a mention, but I'M NOT FAT!

And why do I have a day off tomorrow? Rugby, of course! My lovely Rongotai boys have a traditional against St Pats Silverstream; not to be missed.

Sunday night

Enough of the vanity post, time to move on.

I'm feeling pretty gross, having finally succumbed to the cold/flu that's doing the rounds. Going in and out of the swimming pool complex all weekend hasn't helped.

Pushed myself to go for a walk this morning. It's two weeks till the half-marathon, so I really needed to do a long walk, cold or no cold. Managed 14km, so not too shabby.

Computer screen is hurting my eyes, so I'll give in to self-pity and catch you all later in the week.

Good for the ego, better for the soul

No rugby for Jake this weekend, but he does have an underwater hockey tournament all weekend: regional qualifying for the national tournament in August.

Why is this good for the ego? Underwater hockey sits firmly in the 'not a real sport' category, so tonight's games are the first ones I've been to this year. I had lots of Mums raving about how good I look - they haven't seen me since last August, when I'd lost 30kg. Now I've lost 54kg.

But why is it better for the soul? Because one of those Mums looked pretty fantastic herself. She says that not only have I inspired her to lose over 25kg, her teenage daughter has lost even more.

That's the best compliment I've ever had!

Wee small hours

4am and I'm wandering around the house unable to sleep...

Club Day went pretty well. The weather was kind to us, although some of our game results weren't. Ended with three wins and four losses - the losses included Jake's game where they went down 11-10. To be honest it was a real bugger to lose that game and the boys were really down about it.

I did 23,000 steps, with no planned exercise!

No rugby next weekend as they have a mid-week traditional the following week. No rest for The Jock though, as they have a three-day qualifyig tournament for underwater hockey nationals.

My friend who is staying the weekend is having a really crap time so far! They went visiting in Levin yesterday. Her seven year old fell off a flying fox at the park - his face is very bruised and cut and his wrist is fractured in three places. That sort of thing is hard enough to cope with, without being away from home as well!

Well, I'm off to try and find another hour of sleep - it's more likely to be found in bed than in front of the computer screen!

Busy weekend alert

Here in NZ we celebrate Queen's birthday a week before the Aussies, so it's a long weekend for us!

Lots of things planned - have to take full advantage of the last public holiday until Labour Day at the end of October. Winter always feels like a long, dreary stretch from now till then.

My dear friend Rosie and her two boys will arrive from Christchurch today to spend the weekend with us. Tonight we'll just have takeaways with a few other friends and have a general catch-up (champagne and gossip). Little do they know this will also mean they'll get roped into making trays of sandwiches and chopping up 10kg of onions (for reasons which will become clear shortly).

Saturday is always all about rugby for us, tomorrow even more so. We have Club Day at the college. All seven of our teams are playing at home, we give player of the day awards to every team, we run a fundraising BBQ all day (hence the onions) and every team has an after-match function (hence the sandwiches). The big game of the day is the 1st XV (Jake's team) against the Wellington College 1st XV - always a lot of feeling riding on this one.

Of course 'keen Mum' here is running the rugby committee this year, so I'll be at school all day helping out. It will be interesting to see how many steps I rack up tomorrow!

Hoping for a quiet, moochy sort of day on Sunday - brunch by the beach and a long walk would be nice. On Sunday night Rosie and I are going to the 40 year celebration of the journalism school at Massey University (previously Wellington Polytechnic). We were there together in 1983. That's right, folks, I am a journalist by training - although it's a long time since I've done that sort of work.

Nothing planned yet for Monday. By then I'll probably have a plenty of loads of washing to do!

Exercise simplification

There is no doubt, when my exercise is going well and I am happy about it, I am much more in control of my eating.

However, with the short winter days, frequent nasty weather and my somewhat unpredictable life at the moment, I am finding it difficult to stick to the formal training schedule I had written for the half-marathon walk. Then I get pissed off with myself and my eating goes off track...

So, no more schedules, no more specific types of training on specific days. My new plan is this:

Every day, I will walk a minimum of 15,000 steps.

That's it, it doesn't get any simpler. I will not average 15,000 a day, thereby giving myself license to have lazy days followed by days of frenzied catching up. I will do a minimum of 15,000.

And I can get to the number whatever way I like, giving me the flexibility I need just now. So if I go to the gym in the morning, I won't need to go for such a long walk at night (or if I spend the whole day rushing around like an idiot I might be able to collapse in a heap when I get home). All I really need to do is make sure I chuck in a couple of good long walks (like 15km) before the half-marathon and it will all be sweet!

Of course, the lazy day might come when I find myself needing to fit in 13,000 between dinner and bedtime...

12 inch flares and paisley shirts

Yes, folks, today I get to trade the big hair and leg warmers of the 80s for the much more appealing fashion styles of the 70s.

Finally, finally, finally this morning the scales gave me a reading that didn't start with an 8!

I am now 79.7kg. And the 80s are not going to make a comeback!

Wonderful winter weather

I’ve been walking at lunchtime lately, taking advantage of being at an office which has a shower.

Yesterday I walked to the top of Mt Victoria in the rain. It’s a fair climb – took me half an hour to reach the top.

Today I had a flat walk planned, around Oriental Bay, and Wellington pulled out one of its cracker winter days. So, as I walked, I got to look at views like this:



It was still slightly cool, but the harbour was completely calm, with a few wisps of mist drifting about. As I rounded the point toward Evans Bay, the whole glorious harbour opened up before me.

Weather like this brings out all the lunchtime runners, joggers and walkers. All sorts of ages, sizes, types of people, all going at different paces. As well as the fitness types, there are lots of people enjoying their lunch in the sun – office workers, family folk, construction crews et al.

There is one type of lunch-eater who fits in a slightly different category. These are chaps who sit in their cars to eat their lunch. I always assume they are Sales Reps – they all look like they’re driving company cars. If I were a more charitable soul, I would think it was lovely they had managed to grab some time out of their busy day to have a leisurely lunch in the lovely weather and gaze at our beautiful harbour.

But I know damn well they were actually thinking, “It’s a sunny day. I’m going round to Oriental Bay to watch the joggers”!

Things you could do to piss me off today

1. If you're the doctor's receptionist, sigh loudly when I say Jake can only come at 11.30 or noon on Wednesday. I know I should just let my son cut school like everyone else.
2. Scratch the side of your nose and then use that hand to TOUCH THE MEAT YOU'RE BAGGING FOR ME.
3. Look at me as if I've grown another head when I ask to see the manager so I can complain about the hygiene standards.
4. Stop suddenly in front of me, in the middle of the footpath.
5. Expect me to apologise for bumping into you.

If none of these suggestions appeal, wait till next week when I'm premenstrual - then breathing within spitting distance of me will be enough to piss me off.

And I do spit.

Just a twitch

This morning's weigh-in saw the scales twitch slightly downward with a 100 gram loss.

At least it was down.

Although I have to admit I was tempted to wait half an hour, go for a pee, then see if I'd managed to drop below the 80kg mark.

Maybe next week I'll be a 70s girl.

Silver lining

When I started my laptop at work on Monday morning, I saw those dreaded words "Fatal hardware error".

My faithful companion, which has worked at around 8 of our offices with me, in Wellington, Auckland and Sydney, had sucked the kumara.

So there I was, stranded. I have no direct line in that office, so I use a 3G card all the time. I couldn't just grab a spare PC and plug it in. I was left with no choice to base myself in our main Wellington office until my new laptop arrives.

I am now on the opposite side of the city from my clients, instead of being just one level up in their building. I can't just whip down the stairs to get something approved or to check that I have understood their sometimes garbled instructions.

But the great thing is - their building is about 2500 steps from mine! And the last two days I've gone there and back twice! I've racked up over 20,000 steps both days. I've got to be on track for a 100,000+ week.

It may sound like a waste of time to walk it all the time, but I reckon it's faster than walking to the parking building over here, driving across town, parking in the parking building over there and then walking to the client's building.

This is my first week of training for the half-marathon walk. My schedule is for 6 walks a week. I've broken them down into: the two shortest walks are speed training (fast as I can), the two 'middle-sized' walks are strength training (up and down lots of hills, never a problem in Wellington) and the two longest walks are stamina walks (self-explanatory).

The dog, of course, is loving it! Although I have to admit on Monday night, the weather was SO disgusting (7 degrees, pissing rain, howling wind) that I couldn't face pounding the streets. I scarpered off to the gym and used the treadmill instead.

I'm enjoying being back on a training schedule again. It helps me be more disciplined about keeping up with my exercise.

I hope everyone is having a great week!

And, in case anyone has managed to miss it this man is my hero. I have been lucky enough to hear him speak at a function. Truly inspirational. And let's face it, if he can climb Everest with two artificial legs, what's losing a few more kilos for me?

NAG

I detest acronyms. They are stupid and dehumanising and often used to make other people feel thick.

I have been known to threaten to kick people out of meetings if they don't stop using acronyms. In one of my more endearing moments I once screamed at a colleague "They're not a f**king FTE, they're a PERSON". (FTE = full time equivalent)

This week, however, I find the acronym NAG fits my mood and my situation rather well.

For instance, it can mean Not A Gain, which works this week, because I neither lost nor gained.

But then, it could also mean Not Approaching Goal, which pretty much sums up my progress of late.

When in a more positive mood, I can have it mean Nearly At Goal. While I still have 6 or 8kg to go, percentage-wise that statement could be true.

As acronyms go, it is simple, versatile and rather endearing.

Strange child

Long-time readers will know that Jake the Jock (my 17 year old) plays underwater hockey. He used to play waterpolo, too, but gave it up this year to concentrate on his pre-season fitness for rugby.

Playing watersports is complicated for Jake by the fact that in the last couple of years he has developed a sensitivity to pool water. Within a few hours of being in the water he has a full-blown hayfever-type reaction - sneezing, blocked nose, streaming eyes. Poor baby. The only thing that seems to stop it is using prednesone (sp?) and we're not going THERE on an ongoing basis - it's pretty evil stuff.

So this season we started experimenting with ways to prevent it. Nasal sprays help a bit but not enough to justify the vile taste in your mouth.

The best solution - sorry, this is gross - is for him to stuff earplugs up his nose. I kid you not. Stopping the water getting into his nasal cavity does the trick. It can't be a very glamourous look, but that's compensated by the fact that he can snort them out of his nose, at his friends, after a game!

He ran out of earplugs last week. And forgot to ask me to get more - being in the printing industry I have a good supply of them. So the first I knew of it was when I got home last night and he was lying on the couch instead of working at his after-school job. He feels gross and can't work. And spent all evening blowing his nose and sneezing mightily.

So, this morning's text conversation (written in real-speak to make it legible) went like this:

Him - Can I stay in bed, like, all day?
Me - Why?
Him - 'Cause I feel like shit and my eyes hurt even in my room where it's really dark
Me - You realise that staying home won't actually help you get better?
Him - Yeah, but I feel gross
Me - If you don't go to rugby training today you'll probably be on the bench on Saturday
Him - I've got study first period, I'll go to school after that

Just got to push the right buttons.

Injured. Drat.

Having finally given in to the increasing pain behind my left shoulder-blade, I went to the physio on Friday.

Of course it has nothing to do with my shoulder - I have four vertebrae in my lower neck/upper back which are out of alignment.

Drat. Bugger. Blast.

It has something to do with my posture when I carry things (like bags of rugby gear and my laptop). I carry with my shoulder and neck, using my upper and middle trapezius muscles, instead of my back or lower trapezius. I always like to have a 'name' for these things!

None of this is helped by the fact I always lift and carry with my left arm. This is because my right arm is officially 'weird'. Remind me to show you that scar some time...

So you will see my exercise plan is somewhat saner than usual this week. It's probably about time I had an easier week, anyway. I'm sticking to walking and yoga for most of the week. I'll try the gym on Saturday, but won't do my full workout if things don't feel right. While I'm there I'll get Dale to give me some 'lower trapezius' exercises.

I'm trying to be particularly conscious of my posture, as my 'office-worker slump' is not helping matters.

Lots of walking was always going to be in the plan from next week anyway, when I will start my six week training for a half-marathon walk on 25 June. I was originally toying with the 10km run in this event, but my knees really aren't up to that distance. So, it's the 21km walk for me. I walked 13km last Sunday and felt great afterward.

I've decided my biggest obstacle will be to walk for over three hours and not die of boredom. So I've conned a girlfriend into doing it with me. She is recovering from abdominal surgery, so our aim is completion rather than a certain time.

Of course, an event like this in Wellington in winter holds the likelihood of its own special challenges. Unless we fluke one of those fabulous days when the harbour looks like glass, there's every chance we'll be hammered by a freezing southerly or a howling northerly. In fact if we're really lucky we'll walk the first half into a southerly and then it will change to a northerly for our return trip. With a bit of horizontal rain thrown in for good measure.

Anyway, great to have another event to look forward to. I'm off to the physio.

Substance abuse

Mark and I went to a 40th birthday party last night. Yes, we do still have friends that young!

We had a lovely time catching up with everyone and I may have drunk a little much champagne.

Somewhere in my drunken musings I came up with the following theory. It may be overly simplistic, but it struck a chord with me.

In the group of 100 or so, there were several people who have substance abuse problems, and have faced them to some degree or other. The man who hasn't had a drink in over seven years. The man who has not only overcome his problems with drugs, but now competes in marathons and Ironman competitions. The man who has stopped betting on the horses and is now trying to kick his replacement addiction to the pokies. The woman who is still taking major pain medication some four years after she broke her leg. The woman who had little or no control over her food consumption for many years.

That would be me.

And the thing that struck me about all of this, apart from the fact I have some wonderful, strong friends?

The difference with these addictions is that I cannot give mine up completely. The absence of alcohol or drugs will not kill them (although it may feel like it will), but without food I will starve to death.

I am not belittling their problems or the enormous struggles they have had. But there is quite a difference here. I need to learn to cope with my problem without being able to banish it completely.

Realising this shows how important the 'mental' side of my lifestyle change is. No matter how much I learn about healthy eating, exercise and portion control, the long-term solution to my particular brand of substance abuse lies in recognising why I overeat and stopping that behaviour.

I still have some internal demons to banish.

Improvement

I've certainly had a better week - a loss of 2.2kg. But recently each good week has been followed by a bad week, so I need to keep the mental discipline going.

My progress in my three focus areas:
Water - drinking plenty, but still want to up my evening consumption (gin and water doesn't count).
Steps - lots of these. Daily average over 12,000 - I'll post my week's worth on Monday when I update my exercise plan. Two benefits from wearing the pedometer - I like knowing how much I'm doing, and it prompts me to do a bit extra, like going for a walk at lunchtime.
Scales - clearly my scales have a borderline personality disorder. I ignore them all week and they're much nicer to me on Friday.

I tried yoga for the first time this week. As I'm a complete novice, I got the WW yoga and pilates (haven't tried the pilates yet) DVD - it was on special. I really enjoyed it and discovered which parts of my body are REALLY inflexible. I think I will get bored with this basic level one fairly quickly, so I'd love any suggestions from you yoga girls out there about what DVD to get next.

Another highlight from my week was meeting Felicity (and Janine very briefly too). There is something so special about meeting bloggers in the flesh. Felicity has obviously been having a great (and very active) holiday. I wonder how she'll ever find time to write about it all on her blog!

Sorry about the lack of comments on your posts lately - I've been reading as you update but haven't had much time to comment. Please don't think I don't love you anymore!

First real game of the rugby season for Jake tomorrow - I'm probably more nervous about it than he is! It's always good to get into the proper season after all this pre-season stuff. Last week I learned how to strap his thighs for when he's lifted in the lineout - including strips of foam rubber under the tape to make little 'handles' at the front. The funniest part was watching him take all the tape off afterwards. He takes it off very, very slowly, because he doesn't want to lose all the hair off his thighs - and there is a lot of hair. He really doesn't want to turn up to underwater hockey in his speedos with big bald patches on his legs.

Mark is picking up his new bike today and is beside himself with excitement. We'd better get some fine weather in the weekend - if he can't ride it he won't be much fun to live with.

So, another week of discipline for me should see me through this slump/plateau - the 70s are looming!

Action plan

I have identified three areas I want to concentrate on. They're not necessarily things I'm doing badly, but things I could do better. Monitoring them will help me get back into the habit of mental discipline. And then that habit will spill over into the rest of my life.

Water

Most days I drink plenty of water. But I don't drink it right through the day. I drink 500ml as soon as I get up. I drink plenty while I'm working out and (mostly) during the day at work. Often I drink none at all in the evening (and not much of anything else either).
Action point: drink a glass of water as soon as I get home from work, one while I'm cooking dinner and one about an hour after dinner.

Steps

I have never bothered with a pedometer before. I do get lots of exercise - but how much and how consistently?
I'm also interested to know how much exercise I get APART from my planned exercise. Does running up and down to the courier room a couple of times a day help much at all? Am I doing 6000 steps when I take the dog out, but only 600 steps for the rest of the evening?
Action point: hook on that pedometer. Every day.

Scales

How did I go from being a once-a-week to a once-a-day weigher? Weighing every day has a negative effect on my eating, no matter what the number. If my weight is down from the day before, I subconsciously relax my attitude to eating and allow myself extra because I'm doing so well. If my weight is up, it's easy to slip into thinking the week is a write-off anyway.
Action point: weigh on Fridays. Any other day, the scales are just a big pile of dust in the corner of the bathroom.

Of course, I blame my sisters!

Oh, I don't blame them for any of the important, existential stuff!

I'm just choosing to blame them for the fact the report I was supposed to write last night is still a jumble of words in my head, instead of an email in P's inbox.

Auckland sister and Wellington sister popped round for a couple of quiet gins last night. And we did only have a couple of gins, and they were only here for about an hour, but somehow by the time they left I had quite lost the impetus for report-writing.

And now I think I'll choose to blame my blog-sisters for the fact I'm still not writing my report. It's 4am and an ideal time to get it out of the way, but I've been surfing blogs instead.

But I really can't find anyone to blame for the fact I've had another out-of-control (food) week and have just recorded my second gain in a row.

This isn't a major crisis. But it is a small, lost-my-focus crisis. And it threatens to become more if I can't click onto whatever is causing it.

I spent some time yesterday thinking about switching back from NoCount to the points plan, or signing up to use the WW online tools. But that's not the answer. I have all the tools I need and I know how to use them. There's a mental switch somewhere that's sitting in the 'Off' position - I just need to work out how to turn it back on.

Now, maybe I could blame a server crash for my missing report...

Confused?

Okay, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm pretty much over these short weeks!

We have had: a four-day week, followed by a four-day weekend, followed by a four-day week, followed by a two-day weekend, followed by a one-day week, followed by a one-day weekend, and now we're in a three-day week which will be followed by a two-day weekend!

It's not that I don't like the extra days off, but my increasingly enfeebled brain is struggling to remember what day it is.

I came on here to update my exercise plan, just like I do every Monday - damn, today's Wednesday!

I just realised I didn't send out an email reminder for tonight's rugby meeting (even more confusing because we moved it from the usual Tuesday to Wednesday), so we'll probably only get about three people there - but I'll still have to turn up.

Remembered just in time to put the wheelie-bin out last night. That COULD NOT have lasted another week, as it was full to the brim with pizza boxes and fizzy bottles - school holidays always see a marked increase in the consumption of these things at our house.

Of course, my brain might also be addled by TIS - testosterone inhalation syndrome! I'm used to having extraneous boys lolling about the house, but yesterday was a marathon effort.

Yesterday, our house was the site of the Great ANZAC Day Poker Tournament. A dozen teenage boys squished around our dining room table, playing poker - for over nine hours!

I fed them all Eggs Benedict for lunch (I know, I'm such a soft touch - I even make the hollandaise sauce from scratch), then tried to leave them to it. But, when you live in a townhouse, escaping the noise all those boys can make is impossible. I guess one saving grace is that they don't drink when they're playing cards, because there is money at stake. I hate to think how much more noise a dozen DRUNKEN teenage boys could make!

By the end of the afternoon, Mark and I had had enough, so we went out for dinner and a movie. Only five or six of them were still going when we got home, and they were basically packing up. Still, I'd rather they were having fun at our house (and there wasn't too much mess), than out on the streets getting up to who-knows-what.

On the subject of movies, Sione's Wedding is one to see. Pretty light-hearted, but the great depictions of Samoans (by Samoans) had me absolutely HOWLING with laughter. I don't know if there is an Aussie release date for it - but if there is, get along to see it.

And, of course, today's post wouldn't be complete without a HUGE congratulations to the lovely Philippa, who has reached goal weight. Phil, you are one amazing woman.

It is clear I have learned nothing!

I have been a blogger now for almost a year. It's something I really enjoy doing, even if I do fade from the scene at times. And I have 'met' so many wonderful people here (and a very small number of complete twits!) - people who are funny, inspiring, entertaining, intelligent, caring - all the things we look for in new friends.

But despite this massively rich resource of support, sometimes I think I really haven't learned a thing.

Let me tell you about self-inflicted unnecessary pressure...

A couple of months back I rejoined WW to help me lose my last 10 or so kilos. Instead of being an At Home member, I now actually go to meetings. At that time, the entry forms for Slimmer of the Year were on display. "Hmmmm" thought I, "I could do this". With a closing date of 12 May, I had about 8 weeks to lose 10kg.

See, I told you I've learned nothing!

Up until now, I've always set myself goals - be under 100kg by Christmas, be under 80kg in time for the duathlon, that sort of thing. Some of the goals I've reached, some I haven't. But they were my own personal goals and deadlines - it felt great when I reached them, but I could also handle it when I didn't.

Suddenly, here was this new possibility - and let's be honest, I was tempted by the prizes and the potential brief flash of fame. So I decided that my goal weight was 76kg - the top of my healthy weight range and that if I was really strict with myself I could blitz the entry deadline.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Up till then, my plan was to get to 76kg and THEN decide what I wanted my goal weight to be. I didn't want to take months to lose the last 10kg, but I knew it could take a while.

But no, despite all the months of claiming this was a lifestyle change and my health and fitness were more important than my weight, I was seduced into deciding I could force the weight off in a rush.

And the result - several weeks of yo-yo-ing (how the hell do you type that word without it looking ridiculous?) weight as I tried to force myself into this unrealistic expectation.

It's okay, I'm over it

After this attack of brain fever, I have come to my senses. I know that the weight will go - if it's a slow, steady loss, that's better than obsessing about every item of food that passes my lips. And much better that beating myself up for every slip-up. And I know (have always known, but chose to ignore briefly) that the weight-loss is just practice for maintenance.

My lifestyle now needs to reflect what my lifestyle will be in the future - not one of self-denial, but one of balanced and enjoyable eating.

Besides, I can always enter Slimmer of the Year in 2007!

Don't forget the old stuff worked

I can hear this concerted yell around blogland!

"What are you, nuts?"

I know, you've spent all this time getting rid of your old ways of thinking, eating and (not) moving. And now I'm telling you not to forget the old stuff?

But I'm actually talking about the old stuff from when we started losing weight, not from before that.

Phil got me thinking about this with her post about doing yoga again.

Do you remember those great feelings you got when you first started to see results from changing your lifestyle?

When you got to the end of the week and felt like a champion because you'd stuck to your eating plan EVERY SINGLE DAY? (Instead of feeling relieved because you cheated on your points all week and still managed to lose 200 grams.)

The first time you walked up the big hill in your neighbourhood without stopping, or made it all the way through that exercise DVD without hitting the pause button and putting your head between your knees so you won't faint?

The first time you went out for dinner, ate only two courses and didn't feel cheated?

Remember how good all that felt?

So, in that spirit, last night I went home and did the WW Exercise for Success DVD.

FLASHBACK TO A YEAR AGO (sorry I can't do the wobbly-screen thing they used for flashbacks and dream sequences on The Brady Bunch)
The first time I did this workout, I could barely breathe after the warm-up, although I did still have enough puff to yell at the TV "That was only the warm-up?". I used to just do the warm-up, one of the the four workouts, then the cool-down.

BACK TO YESTERDAY
I did the whole thing - warm-up, four workouts and cool-down. And it wasn't easy. I did the high-impact version of everything, used the coffee table (it's very sturdy) for my step-ups instead of just one step on the stairs, and used 1.5kg hand-weights instead of 400g cans of food. This is still a great work-out. And a great feeling seeing how much more I could do than a year ago. And today I can really feel it - and, yes Phil, tricep dips do work!

So, there was a point to all this rambling...

This is not just about getting back to basics. Find something you did when you first started on your journey, something that was a major achievement for you then, that you don't do anymore. And go and do it! Recapture the euphoria you felt the first time you overcame that obstacle.

And reflect on what an amazing person you are.

Success and compulsion

The duathlon was great! I really enjoyed it and almost ran the whole thing. I ran the first 3.5km leg, blitzed the bike and then ran most of the second 1.5km leg. I had to walk about 200m in the middle, because I had a bit of a dizzy spell.

And I came in under 1 hour - 59 minutes and 12 seconds, to be precise. The lovely Karen has emailed me some great photos, including one of the look of delight on my face as I looked at my watch at the finish line.

I think one of the things that made it so much fun was doing an event that hadn't consumed my life for 3 months beforehand. I'd been training for it in a vague sort of way, but I actually have enough basic fitness now to just rock up on the day and not disgrace myself. Ah, how things have changed...

So, events haven't become a compulsion, but Easter may be another matter!

Despite my high-minded intentions, I spent most of the weekend in an orgy of food-indulgence. This included chocolate, ice-cream, chocolate, Eggs Benedict, chocolate and more chocolate.

It was a weekend of eating reminiscent of the Sue of old. But what has changed is that it won't be a trigger for me to carry on like this for days, weeks or months.

I slipped up and ate badly for a few days. The world hasn't ended. I will spend the rest of this week eating healthily (not starving myself, not fad-dieting). By the time I weigh in at the end of the week I will hopefully only show a small gain. And in a week or two that will be gone and I will once more be moving toward my goal weight.

I'm less confident about knowing what triggered it. I'm used to having chocolate in the house, as I still buy it for Mark and Jake. I think it was just the amount of chocolate, combined with having so much free time and feeling I deserved a treat for doing the duathlon. I'm by no means perfect in my usual eating, but to go off so track for several days in a row is unusual.

Still, there's no point in berating myself too much - that's likely to lead to further self-destructive behaviour, rather than help me deal with it.

I hope you all had a nice Easter. If you feel like you may have over-indulged - you're certainly not alone!

Update time

The broken nose wasn't mine (or Jake's). Our friend Jacob, who is the Head Prefect at school, had his nose broken in a game in Napier on Sunday. As soon as his head slammed into the back of our fullback's head, I knew his nose was broken. There's a quite different sound to head-on-nose, as opposed to head-on-head. A sort of crunchy, cartilage sound. I got to him just after he hit the ground, and the bridge of his nose was over by the corner of his eye! Not pretty! So I hauled him off to hospital. When we left our boys were losing 11-0. They won 28-16, so I clearly missed the best of the game.

It was a long way to go for 20 minutes of rugby. Four hour drive up on Saturday, and then back again on Sunday, once the morphine had kicked in and Jacob was comfortable enough to travel. Luckily, I have long since learned not to travel with van-loads of teenage boys (too tough on the sanity), so I had my own car.

Most of our rugby boys were billeted with the team they were playing. Severe culture shock on both sides - our predominantly Samoan team going off to stay with boys from a private school. It's funny to see our big tough 1st XV go all shy when meeting new people. One of the boys came up to me the next day and exclaimed over the fact the house had 5 bathrooms - ' do they shit in a different one every day?' he said.

I got to stay with our very good friends in Havelock North. On Sunday morning I went for a lovely walk around the hill suburbs and through the pretty (and well cared-for) cemetery - which made me think of you, Phil, as you enjoyed our Bolton St cemetery so much. When I got back I had some of the best coffee in the Hawkes Bay - our friends have recently closed their cafe and have their coffee machine in the kitchen at home!

I have my duathlon on Sunday, but I do have to admit to not being particularly fussed about it. I'm sure I will enjoy it, but it doesn't have the excitement of the triathlon, because that was such a milestone for me. I have also been having a lot of trouble with my left knee, so may yet decide to walk instead of run.

My brother got engaged last week - at the lunch they were having to celebrate his Masters' graduation. Very bravely, he proposed in front of everyone, including both sets of parents!

My eating has been pretty good this week - probably guilty of not eating enough, rather than too much, as I seem to have spent most of the time racing from one meeting to the next. Exercise has been a bit slack, but I should be taking it easy in an event week anyway. In case I haven't said this, I'm completely sold on NoCount. I can see why it wouldn't work for everyone, particularly people just starting out on weight-loss, but it's perfect for me at this stage in my journey. It also feels like it will work well for maintenance.

Really looking forward to Easter. I will have to do some work (I usually do in the weekends anyway), but I will make sure I have at least two days with no work at all. Now that's a real Easter treat! And then to have the extra day off the next week for ANZAC Day - absolute luxury...

Up to my arse in alligators!

Sorry guys, not ignoring you, just irrationally busy. Back soon, with tales of rugby trips, broken noses and the ever-shrinking me!

What to do about Easter?

Easter really is one of the big 'treat' holidays, isn't it? It has no religious significance to me, but I'm always up for an excuse to eat chocolate!

Last Easter I had just started WW, so I basically skipped the whole thing (and was so motivated then I could do so with very little angst).

But this year I'm going to work Easter into my plan. Because we all deserve some treats and continual self-deprivation is just wrong on so many levels.

So, how to approach this whole hot cross bun and Easter egg thing? Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind - especially as the bloody things have been in the supermarkets since Valentine's Day!

Well, I do have a bit of a head-start on the discipline required for this - courtesy of my Mum and Dad. *happy wave to Mum*

The rule in our house when we were growing up - hot cross buns are for Good Friday and the eggs are for Easter Sunday.

So, I will buy one pack of really nice buns from one of the flash bakeries in town. I'll have one for breakfast on Good Friday and Mark can scoff the rest. And I will buy one small but expensive egg in really nice chocolate for me to have on Easter Sunday and the boys can have their usual small mountain of various Easter eggs.

Of course I do have a duathlon on Easter Sunday, so I'll feel awfully virtuous while I'm stuffing chocolate in my gob!

Fresh week, fresh start

Don't worry folks, I'm not about to give up on my healthy journey - but thanks for all the concerned comments and emails!

Last week was just one of those little bumps in the road - call it battle fatigue, I guess.

Saturday morning was a fresh start, and I feel like I've got my focus back again. This is helped by a return to 'winter sports Saturdays'. By the time I go to the gym, get the supermarket shopping done and then go and watch Jake play rugby, Saturday is practically over - no time for sneak eating!

On Sunday I did my full duathlon distance as training - 3.5km run/10km ride/1.5km run. I did it all on the machines at the gym, which made it easier than it will be in real life - although it still wasn't exactly easy! 3.5km is the longest I've run in one go, and then I still managed to run the 1.5km after the bike too. I can really feel it in my thighs today - but I now have some hope that I will be able to run (jog) the whole distance in the actual event in 2 weeks.

The duathlon is my last planned event. I'll be quite happy to go into winter mode for my exercise after that. That doesn't mean I'll turn into a couch potato, but I will plan most of my exercise around indoor activities* and just grab the chance to do things outside when the weather allows.

*Now, now, don't be rude, I didn't mean that sort of indoor activity!

Fear of finishing

I've had a dreadful food week. I have found myself unable to control my eating in the evening, and have also hardly dragged my arse out the door for exercise at all.

So - what the bloody hell is going on?

There could be lots of contributing factors: the aforementioned hormones, the dark evenings brought about by the end of daylight saving, the fact that the weather is cold and miserable and it feels like August not autumn.

But I suspect a more deep-seated issue - fear of finishing.

I am one of these people who often leaves a project 'not-quite-done'. It's not such a problem with work - I have to meet other people's expectations, so things have to be finished off. But when it's a task or a goal I've set myself, I don't seem to be able to get through the last little bit.

But why should I be like this?

I think it's something to do with my 'all or nothing' attitude. When I take something on, it really becomes a big part of my life. So when I finish it, will my life become a little emptier?

This seems to be related to something I talked about a couple of weeks ago - about letting my weight-loss become too big a part of what defines me. As I get closer to goal, I have to face what my life is going to be like after that.

I know that I will still need to be aware of my food and exercise - all this won't suddenly stop just because I've reached a certain weight. But on a fundamental level, something will have changed - and I need to find a way to cope with that.

Because otherwise, my self-sabotage will continue.

The trouble with being pre-menstrual

is that KNOWING you're pre-menstrual doesn't actually help you cope with the side-effects of BEING pre-menstrual.

I know I only wanted that English muffin with butter (and that ice-cream and those chips) because I'm pre-menstrual, but that didn't help stop me from eating them!

I also know that's why I didn't have the patience today to let a colleague ramble on when she was going in completely the wrong direction, but corrected her straight away (but did she really have to call me officious?).

However, here are my new thoughts on pre-menstrual comfort eating (to be applied at will to other situations). I get the feeling I've just clicked to something you guys all worked out ages ago, so excuse me for stating the bleeding obvious.

Giving in to these urges isn't always wrong. It would be wrong if we gave in to every single urge, but relenting occasionally is not only fine, it actually helps stop us from giving in more often - and from going on a power-binge!

See, I told you that I've just clicked to the obvious!

It's been a great week!

So, what's been so good about my week?

1. Jake made the first cut for the 1st XV squad
2. I have stuck to my gruelling cardio schedule for the week (one day to go) and feel FANTASTIC for it
3. The Hurricanes ground out a win against the Sharks last night - a typical home game - cold, wet and not pretty rugby
4. I have lovely new running shoes
5. Oh yeah - I have now lost 50 kilos!

When walking is not enough

Now, don't get me wrong here - walking is my friend. I love walking and it helped me form my exercise habit last year. And, of course, it is my 'Mummy and Moose' activity (for those who don't know, Moose is the dog).

But from a fitness and weight-loss point of view, walking just doesn't cut the mustard any more.

I wore my heart rate monitor on a walk the other day (I know, geek!). Apart from when I was going up some of Wellington's famous hills, I just couldn't walk hard enough to get out of Zone 1 and into Zone 2. So, basically, I have to walk for a damn long time for walking to have much beneficial effect.

Now Moose has to get used to me breaking into a jog at random intervals.

This week I'm also have a real focus on cardio exercise - no muscle building exercise, just pure, sweaty, leg-wobbling, face-reddening cardio all the way!

I got to meet Karen last night. It was so nice to meet someone whose blog I've been following - especially someone as friendly and bubbly as she is.

It's not the plan's fault!

I'm having a weekend of struggling with NoCount. Despite having meticulously planned my meals, I'm putting too much on my plate and sneaking extra food as well!

So, I considered switching back to counting points. But, actually, I was having the same issues with that.

So, don't try and say the plan isn't working!

I need to regain the focus and motivation that has served me so well in the past.

The plan is good and I know it can work - but only if I let it.

During some computer issues on Friday I had to reload my profile and so have lost all my internet favourites - most of which were blogs. I've got some of them back, but please leave me a quick comment so I can recover the rest.

Anniversary

There I was updating my sidebar, because it's Friday, which is my weigh-in day. I wasn't intending to post, just update my stats. But I found myself typing 'Week 52' - that's right, it's one year since I started on the WW At Home programme.

Yeeeeehaaaaa!
Ain't that just something to celebrate?

Sloth!

I'm having an attack of the lazy-arse bastards this week and have already missed two of my planned exercise sessions - and will miss another one tonight as we're going to Les Arts Sauts.

Oh well, I guess I can't be the Exercise Queen all the time.

I did take 5 minutes off my 7km time on Monday though - which basically means I ran for more of it than I did last time.

I was intending to only go 2km, because on Sunday the dog had a sore leg and was limping quite badly. I thought I'd just take him round the block to see how he was (and whether or not he needed to go to the vet). But when I let him in on Monday he raced around like a complete lunatic and leaped over Jake who was sitting on the floor - "Mum, I think the dog's leg is better". So, off on 7km we went. By the time we got back he was limping a bit, but he'll get over it!

The return of...

...rugby meetings!

Yes, folks, they're back. I spent all last winter moaning about them. Well, winter must be approaching again, because we have our first rugby meeting of the year tomorrow night.

That means I get to take minutes, send out nagging emails, do the admin, find who has got all the kit from last year (there's a bag in my garage) and organise the after-match functions. Beg water bottles, balls, tackle bags and hit shields from our supporting clubs. Get the boys to pay their fees, cajole/beg/bully guys into coaching and managing, deal with the ego-bunnies at the Union. And all of that has nothing to do with the actual Saturday games - drive smelly boys around, stand on the sideline in the freezing cold, give Jake rub-downs, haul guys off the field for not wearing mouthguards. Bring the ice-packs (frozen peas), fill the water bottles, make sure the bench are running the bottles and the kicking tees, be nice to completely average referees - "Thanks ref, good game (you short-sighted, one-eyed, wouldn't know a rule-book if it bit you in the arse, geriatric git)".

How can guys be so good at rugby and so CRAP at organising it?

Yep, you know I love it!

Who am I?

Several things have sparked a bit of navel-gazing in the last week. It's not something I do often, and I certainly don't communicate my introspection well, but here goes.

What has set off the self-examination?

1. Beck made a great comment about women who are losing weight 'define their entire worth on a number'.
2. My darling man looked at my progress pics from last week. He pointed to the first one, from a year ago, and said 'I can't even remember you looking like that'.
3. While in Auckland, I felt really uncomfortable when people I haven't seen for a while made a big fuss about how much weight I've lost.

These things have got me thinking about the need to re-define to myself who I am.

I need to stop thinking of myself as a fat person who has lost a lot of weight. People who have never met me before don't know what I used to look like - and that they're not really interested, so I need to stop trying to work it into the conversation!

I did need intense focus and motivation to lose the amount of weight I have, and to transform myself into a fit person.

But these things no longer need to define my life.

The weekend that was and the week to come

I've had a lovely weekend. Our very good friends came down from Havelock North to spend the weekend with us - only a year late for my 40th party, which they couldn't make it to.

So we spent the weekend talking, eating out and having a lovely time. There's just nothing like the conversations you have with old friends. I still managed to get in my exercise, so a quick peek at the home scales shows I've maintained over the weekend; always a good result after relaxing the rules a bit.

I'll have a very disjointed week this week.

I have the day off on Tuesday to go to the McEvedy Shield - an annual athletics competition involving the four main boys' schools in Wellington. Basically over 3000 boys spend the day chanting and roaring for blood - this competition had been going since 1922 and is a day not to be missed.

Wednesday and Thursday I'll be in Auckland for work. I always managed to cope with the work travel when I was tracking points, so it will be interesting to see how I manage now that I'm doing NoCount.

I used to pack plenty of snacks and things to take with me. This time I'll take enough fruit to get me through Wednesday and my porridge for Thursday morning. On Wednesday evening I'll pick up pasta and veggies for dinner and more fruit for the next day. Luckily I get to stay in an apartment so I can do my own cooking. Lunches will be a bit more hit-and-miss, but sushi is a great stand-by there.

I've tailored my exercise for the week around my travel. I'm trying to have a week of concentrating on running, because my riding is at a level where all I need to do is maintain it till the duathlon. It still amazes me when I make statements like that!

I used to be able to do an overnight trip to Auckland with just carry-on luggage, but having to pack training gear (particularly the shoes!) has made that a bit more difficult.

Because of the travel I won't be able to weigh in at WW till Friday. This is actually quite good because it will bring my WW weigh-in day in line with my home weigh-in day - my home one being what I'm still using as my 'official' weight, because that's what I've been using for the past year.

Thanks everyone, for the lovely comments about my progress pics. I'm hoping that I can post number five in the series - the one of me at goal - before the end of April.

Progress Part 2

There have been couple of requests for a series of progress pictures - so here they are, in descending order.



February 2006
A slight variation on my profile pic.

















November 2005

July 2005

March 2005

My 40th birthday party. Yeah, okay, slightly pissed!

Progress

My first official week of NoCount saw a loss of 2.4kg. A pretty damn fine effort, really. I weighed myself daily at home, so I could track my progress and do some experimentation.

Things I've learned:
Portion sizes still are really important. You can 'eat freely' from the restricted food list. This really means have a reasonable sized meal, it doesn't mean inhale a bucketload of food.
I've got much better at asking myself 'Are you actually hungry?'. The answer is usually no.
I'm enjoying the freedom of not counting. I'm choosing foods I want to eat (off the list!) instead of trying to work out what will make me feel the fullest for the smallest number of points.

Basically, I'm really enjoying NoCount. But it could just be because I've been counting points for a year and was overdue for a change.

I'll keep you posted.

Completely blank

I thought I should post an update, so you don't have to keep coming in here and going "Vain cow, she's still got that bloody photo up".

But I can't think of anything to say.

Will let you know the results of my first week of NoCount tomorrow.

Relaxed or exhausted?

Here's a pic of me from the weekend in Taupo. I'd been up for well over 24 hours at this stage! It's not the most glamourous photo, but it is very 'me' and - LOOK - I've got collar-bones!

Quick update

One thing I discovered when I went to WW on Wednesday - I'm 174cm tall, not 176cm. I choose to believe this is due to a previous mis-measurement, rather than old-age shrinkage! Luckily I don't need to change my goal weight of 76kg.

After just two days of following NoCount, my home scales show a loss of 1.8kg. Much of this will be due to the fact that I am back to my earlier discipline with regards to sneak-eating! This means I get to show a 2.2kg loss on my side bar this week - I was expecting a couple of big losses due to the change in programme, so if I can get a couple of weeks like that I'll be more than happy!

Early impressions of the new programme:
What a relief to not count points all the time.
Only being able to have fruit and veges as snacks actually seems to make planning the day easier.
We are late dinner eaters in our house (often not eating till 8pm or later due to everyone's sports commitments) so I need to make sure I don't have my lunch too early and that I have a snack when I get home from work so I don't get too ravenous.
After dinner is still going to be tough for me - it's a danger time for sneak-eating. Last night I solved it with a couple of nectarines and some WW jelly. Some nights I'll use a couple of my 21 points to have a treat, but I want to keep that to a minimum for the first couple of weeks.
Looks like I need to plan well - at the moment I'm planning each day the evening before.

It's early days, so it will be interesting to see how my opinions change.

Today's weigh-in means I now have less than 10kg to go!

First meeting

Well, I have rejoined WW and went to my first meeting yesterday. It's a city lunchtime meeting, so was pretty busy. Not enough talking in the discussion for my liking - I'll have to stir things up a bit! Rather like the leader, though. An Englishwoman with a nicely understated sense of humour and obviously well-read - was I the only person in the room who got the Katherine Mansfield reference? I'm such a snob!

I have decided to give No Count a go to see how it works for me. The basic premise works like this:
You have three meals a day, at which you can eat 'freely' from a restricted list of foods. 'Freely' really means in moderation, not to the point of feeling like a puffer fish.
Outside those three meals, you can snack on fruit and vegetables only.
In addition, you can use 21 points a week for foods outside the list - e.g. that white bread you can't live without, your chocolate treat on a Friday night.

I think this can work for me because:
Portion sizes are so automatic after almost a year of counting points I think there is little risk of me making my meals too big.
I like the fact the list of foods is basically whole foods and no processed foods, and therefore my overall diet should become even healthier.
There are essentially no 'treat' foods - the way I am at the moment I think I'm best to keep right away from those things, rather than try and stop after 'just a little bit'.
The 21 points gives me enough leeway to eat out a couple of times a week, or have a few drinks at some stage.
If I know I've got a really busy week coming up I can switch back to tracking points for a week if I like.

So, I'm going to try it for 4 weeks - long enough to get through the first couple of weeks of losing just because it is something new, and to form a habit if I want to keep going with it.

Interestingly, though, no other women at the meeting are following No Count. A few had tried it and didn't find it worked for them. The leader did say the uptake had been lower than they expected. I feel it would be quite difficult to do it as your first experience of WW - the control of portion sizes and learning to stop eating when you are full seem a bit difficult to learn quickly. After all, the lack of those controls is the reason why many of us are overweight.

My WW weight yesterday was 87.8kg. I'd weighed at 86.9kg at home in the morning, so I imagine our scales are fairly close. I am going to continue using my home scales to track my weight in the sidebar, but will report my 'official' weight each week when I let you know how I'm going on the new programme.

Another new experience...

Entirely at random

It is currently not safe to leave me alone in the house with a container of ice cream and a spoon. In fact, I could manage even if the spoon wasn't there.

My supposed 15km training ride is actually 19km. Rode it last night (in a brisk northerly) in 1 hour and 5 minutes. First aim is to get it under 1 hour.

My man is in New Plymouth this week - that should mean a new tee-shirt for me!

Jake being captain of the dragon boat team this year has unexpected benefits at home. After five races on Saturday, leading the starts and making the reach calls has left him with no voice. So he can't sing in his frightfully toneless voice for a while. Although he has managed to record himself singing 'Living on a Prayer' and set it as the ring-tone on his phone!

Will I ever get over the feeling that the Hurricanes will break my heart again this season, even though they're looking so good?

It's a good idea, when locking up your car and leaving it in the carpark for the day, to also close the driver's window.

How weird does it still feel, as a previously sedentary Mum, to be talking about pyramid runs, fatigue training zones and the best piriformis stretch with your teenager?

I think I might re-join WW (haven't been part of the At Home scheme since about September, although I have continued to follow the programme). This might help me with the motivation I need to lose the last 10 kilos and I can have a good look at No Count as well. Any thoughts on this, folks?

Whew!

What a great weekend that was - the relay was a smashing success!

Our walkers/runners started at 11pm on Friday and finished the 160km at 4.37pm on Saturday. It was an amazing effort by everyone and lots of fun as well.

I didn't do a leg - just stayed at the motel making sure everyone was fed and watered, awake in time to go out on the course for their leg and rubbed down when they got back! Didn't go to bed at all on Friday night.

A very relaxed week food-wise after my triathlon has led to an upward creep in my weight; nothing I'm particularly worried about. I can't imagine the weekend will have helped much, as I ate whatever I wanted to - staying up for 36 hours means you constantly crave carbs.

So, it's Monday again (coming to work was a bit of a let-down after the weekend), and I'm trying hard to bring my eating back into line - and back into the exercise this week too!

So, what's next?

Well, I've had a few days of basking in the glory of what I've done - thank you all for your kind comments and emails. I still can't quite believe how much I enjoyed the triathlon.

So, what's next for me?

I need to shift my focus back to controlling my eating. This has been meandering around in the last few weeks. As I've said before, I think I was saved from gaining weight by the heavy training load I was carrying. So back to careful planning and tracking.

This weekend we have a team of 25 people (workmates and clients) taking part in the Great Lake Relay in Taupo - 18 legs of walking and running around the lake - it's about 160km.

I'm Camp Mother, so I'm not doing a leg, although I am a reserve. Instead I'll look after the base camp and all the meals - because, after all, surrounding myself with food is such as sensible thing for me to do!

One thing I've learned from the triathlon is that I'm more motivated about exercise if I have something to train for. So my next goal is a duathlon on Easter Sunday. I'm still not absolutely sure I'll be in town for this, as I may be on tour with the rugby boys, but I'm training for it anyway. And as I'm on the rugby committee I should have some influence on when we go away!

This duathlon is a 3.5km run/10km bike/1.5km run. It's based around our lovely harbour, so we have that small miracle in Wellington - a flat course! This will mean a quite different training regime from the last one - and no swimming, hooray!

Starting next week the training will go something like this:
1 x 15km ride per week
1 x 7km run/walk per week (building towards being able to run the whole thing)
1 x 3km run per week (working on improving my time each week)
1 x 'brick' training session - run/ride/run - starting with short distances and building each week
That will take care of my cardio and I'll do 3 or 4 days a week at the gym and see if I can throw in some kickboxing occasionally as well.
My 15km ride will include the actual duathlon course - I can ride to it from home.

There we are then. I have two main goals - do the duathlon, and be a 70s' girl when I do it. Just over eight weeks to go.

1 hour 3 minutes 5 seconds

Well, the weather didn't improve. It was too rough to do a proper swim, so we did about a 100m run in thigh-deep water. Cold, very cold.

Then 500m along the beach (I ran most of this), up a steep hill (I didn't run) then 1.2km to the bike transition (ran the whole thing).

The bike course was pretty tough - pouring with rain much of the time and a VERY strong northerly. The uphill section was straight into the wind. I do recall a burst of laughter from some spectators as I screamed 'Bitch!' at a gust that almost stopped me completely. The second time around I had my cadence going better and didn't find the hill so hard.

Unknown to me, at this stage the weather was so bad they were talking about cancelling the race halfway through - prompted by the fact that the marquees and finish line were being blown away!

Then it was back into transition to drop off the bike and finish with another 2km run. Most of this was flat (alternated running and walking), finishing with a bit of off-road - up a steep track (ran), along the ridge (ran), drop back down (walk) and then across the park to the finish (ran).

Now the really surprising bit - I had a lot of fun doing this. The weather was vile and the ride was hard work at times, but it really was enjoyable. And the sense of achievement at the end was overwhelming.

It's hard to work out how good my time was, considering most of the swim was dropped, but I'm happy with it anyway, especially given the conditions. This is the time I took on my watch, as the official times aren't on the website yet. Update later in the day - official time was 1 hour, 2 minutes 39 seconds. 586th out of 1100 finishers.

Big thanks go to lots of people for their support - family, friends, colleagues, blogland (especially blogland) - because everyone has been so positive.

Huge thanks to Mark and Jake - for getting up at 5am this morning, for their support and encouragement.

4.30am on race day

We have a strong northerly. Which I will have to ride into on the uphill sections of the bike course.

Oh, and it's raining.

I'm off to wake up the boys. No way I'm suffering this alone.

Sleepless in Strathmore

Although I sleep much better now that I exercise regularly, I do still have bouts of sleeplessness. I have put up with this for most of my adult life, so I don't let it stress me out and I know I can easily get by on three or four hours sleep.

If I'm lying awake I like to be able to read, but the man is a darkness freak so I can't turn the light on. I often get up and sit in the lounge reading for an hour or so, then go back to bed for some more sleep.

I used insomnia to my advantage when I was studying. Most of my papers were written in the small hours of the morning. In my single days I often used to do housework then too - but vacuuming at 2am soon stopped once I started living with someone!

Right, now that I've revealed what a freak I really am...

This morning at 4am I was stupid enough to go on the internet and pop into one of my favourite blogs - Waiter Rant. So going back to bed for more sleep never happened - just straight into the shower at 6.30 instead!

Mummy skite - my lovely boy (yes, folks, the babe from the fridge) made prefect at school this year.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

The week has finally arrived, now it's just five days till the triathlon. I have a nice light training week, with none of my usual extras added in. I am doing no exercise in the mornings, so my alarm will be going at 6.30 instead of 5.30, to ensure I am well rested. I am not tracking my food this week, just watching what I eat to make sure it is healthy, with plenty of good proteins and carbs.

So, how do I feel about what is coming up on Sunday?

Pretty proud of myself, really. I have no doubts I will be able to complete this course. I may not swim like a fish, and my run is more of a trudge, but LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME! This triathlon is more about how I got here than the event itself.

This time last year I weighed 132.5kg. A 3km walk on a level course was a major achievement. Walking up the stairs in our new house was a bit like climbing a mountain.

So, on Sunday, I may not be the thinnest or the fittest, but I think you'll be hard-pressed to find someone happier!

Finally, fridge fotos!

First of all, let me introduce you to my fridge.

I love my fridge. As you can, see, it is a very large side-by-side fridge/freezer. The kitchen was basically built around it. It is kept white and pristine on the outside, except for the temperature gauges and controls on the front.

But only three people live in our house - why do we need such a large fridge? Because we have a teenage jock to feed. And, as you will see below, he can practically eat the fridge bare in one sitting...

Road kill

I'm feeling a bit like I've been run down by a truck at the moment. Sorry I have been absent from blogs this week - haven't even had time to comment, although I have had a few quick peeks.

So, time for one of my update lists...

Had a great day at the races last week. The betting was the usual washout - we never seem to do well at Trentham. But who cares - I looked great (so modest) and got lots of compliments. For the first time the famous Cup Day heat (29 in the shade this year) didn't really bother me; not only am I so much lighter, but I could wear something light and floaty instead of the dress equivalent of a boiler-suit and a balaclava to hide my body! Yes, photo to come. Oh, and I drank an ENORMOUS amount of champagne and got quite silly.

My favourite weekend of the year starts tomorrow - the Wellington Sevens! I just love this tournament. Our little stadium rocks with all the people partying - the costumes are a spectacle in their own right. I take all of Friday off so I can ease into the day - and get there in time for the first game. Unlike many of the people who go, I love the rugby as well as the party, and try to watch every game! One of my favourite things is that the crowd always adopts an underdog country and supports them in full voice! And we're not as mean to the Aussie team as we used to be...

We get an extra day off on Monday, too, for Waitangi Day, so I've got an extra long weekend. Having a few friends round for a BBQ in the afternoon.

Another reason for my run-down-by-a-truck feeling is that I got a new programme at the gym yesterday. He took me very literally when I said I needed more of a challenge. I always find the first few weeks tough - more about the co-ordination than anything.

Just over a week till the triathlon now. PZ (my friend who's doing it with me) and I did a walk-through last Sunday. We very quickly realised we need to stop training in the pool and get into the sea. The water at Titahi Bay was freezing! Although it did wash away the last vestiges of the champagne from the day before.

And a week after the triathlon we have the Great Lake Relay in Taupo. 160 kilometers around the lake, in 18 legs of walking and running. I'm not actually participating (although I think I'm a reserve by default), but I am the organiser (it's people from work and some clients). I'm really looking forward to it - being Camp Mother brings out the Nazi in me!

Yes, it's a pretty busy time at the moment - as this time of year tends to be. Just the way I like it. I've had a pretty average week with the tracking, what with all the champagne and the Chinese New Year banquet as well, but I should still be in for a small loss.

Enjoy your weekend! And for you Kiwi girls with kids - they finally go back to school next week!